Dear Annie: My husband and I have a large family, and earlier this year we welcomed our newest baby, "Izzy." The pregnancy went smoothly, and everyone thought she was healthy until about half a week after coming home, when she began showing concerning symptoms. We've been working closely with her doctor ever since and recently learned she has a rare genetic condition. It's incurable, causes severe symptoms and is usually fatal in childhood.

We're OK sharing information about her condition with concerned family and friends in our children's school group. However, I'm not sure how to respond when strangers in public notice something is clearly off. I want to respect Izzy's medical privacy, but I also don't want to arouse suspicion that we're hiding something.

The first time a stranger pointed out how "floppy" Izzy was, I tried to brush it off while acknowledging it was true. We now believe that this same person reported us to child protective services on the suspicion that our home was somehow medically unfit for our children to live in. This is an assumption and there was no real basis for them to think this if it's true; child protective services never obtained a warrant to actually come search our home or ask us questions. Although nothing came of it, we want to avoid that happening again in the future.

The next time someone in public asked, "Is your baby OK?" I just said she was fine and moved on. Then I felt bad because I don't want to lie, and it's obvious something is wrong. I'm wondering if I should come up with a bare-minimum response to avoid the busybodies and others, like child protective services, getting involved when we're already overwhelmed dealing with this as a family. What are your thoughts? — Medical Mama

Dear Medical Mama: The stress you and Izzy are carrying doesn't fall under the small talk umbrella. You don't owe strangers private details about your life or your family — period.

The next time it comes up, have something short and simple in your back pocket that respects Izzy's privacy but shuts down more questions. Something like, "She has a rare condition, but she's doing well. She's getting excellent medical care and is so loved."

You can't control what others think or say, but you can control how much of your energy you give them. Save it for Izzy and the rest of your family. That's where it belongs.

Dear Annie: I'm four years older than my boyfriend. I'm 36, and he's 32. I really want to get married and have kids one day, but he wants to take things slow. I don't know what else to do or say to him.

He's made some bad decisions in the past, and his mom is his support system. I've tried to tell him that I can be his support system, but he doesn't want me to be there for him, only his mom. Any advice? — Unwanted in Hermitage, Tennessee

Dear Unwanted: You've told him what you want; he's told you what he wants. The mismatch here isn't a communication issue — it's a compatibility issue.

Now you need to decide if you're willing to wait for him to grow up, put you before his mother and build a future with you, or if your energy and aspirations are better spent on a partner who's ready for them now.

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